Impressions and maybe a change?

Haha accidentally swore in lab yesterday because I thought I'd pippetted the wrong amount of something. Woops. Clearly not going to be picked to do my honours there! Ah well. Also, who knew your second year marks count when applying for a PhD? Need a change of plans. Should have stuck with journalism and politics. Or maybe I could go into presenting for PlaySchool? Or doing the voices for cartoon characters?

Seriously. What. Am. I. Going. To. Do?! I've only got the 6 weeks or so of this semester to get good grades. Not that it will help massively, but still. Maybe I should whine heaps about the 4-5 hours of commuting I do daily. And then break down because of stress problems.

Life would be so much easier if I could just go to a nice rehab place and just learn how to live. This is going to sound terrible, but when I was younger (high school) I wished there was some way I could break down/get really sick/SOMETHING so that I'd be able to go crazy and let loose, and then go to rehab.

Ahahaha I was a silly kid. My sister had an asthma puffer (she'd gotten pneumonia) and I remember praying for God to give me asthma so I could have a puffer, too. I was about 7 or 8, I think. Clearly I was not right in the region between the ears.

Wait, that implies that my face wasn't right. It was. I dare say my face was awesome. I meant the brainy bit may have been a little twisted.

I will probably end up as teacher. Exactly what I never wanted to be, but will end up being. I could handle primary school, and maybe even some year levels at high school, but I remember the attitude some classmates used to give to teachers...and I don't think I could deal with that. Plus it's easy enough to teach a kid how to read and write, basic maths, the water cycle, volcanoes, whatever. But Physics? High Level Chem? Don't know if I want to be responsible for some one else's downfall as well. Don't think I could ever forgive myself for messing up someone's chances. I've had too many not-so-great teachers to think nothing of inflicting myself on others.

God give me patience. Really not much to be done but to wait.

Peace and love,

S.

Lime cordial and loyalty.

So, it has been a while. A belated Ramadan Kareem to those of you who are so inclined.

I always have heaps of stuff to blog about, but then I forget, and by the time I remember I've either calmed down or forgotten what it was that I wanted to say.

I find it a little hard to deal with competitive people. And mean people. Especially when they pass it off as being funny or whatever, and then people think you're awful for thinking like that. The fact of the matter is, that I am a great deal more perceptive than the average person. And also a little paranoid, but that just heightens my awareness. Yes, I am prone to missing the big things sometimes, but life and everything in it is about the little things. The little comments a friend makes with a smile on their face that isn't real. The way people run to you when they need something, but run away when you need something. The way they greet you depending on who they, and you, are with. Loyalty does not play a major part in these peoples' lives.

Anyway, the point is, that being nice to people you know you don't really want to be around can be a bit of a trial. I always tell myself not to be judgmental, and that first impressions are wrong (they're not, by the way, for the most part), not to be mean and so on. So I end up putting up with things for ages, until it gets to the point where I want to punch holes in walls and break shatterable vases. And then I'm labelled as being judgmental, anti-social, whatever. Part of the problem is that I'm always so eager to please and make new friends.

On the other hand, the world is full of awesomeness. The people you can't help loving, the ones who make you laugh till you cry, the ones who care about more than their own little worlds, the ones who put a smile on your face the moment you see or even think about them. The ones who go out of their way to help anyone and everyone, stick up for whoever it is being picked on. Unlike the 'friends' who will stand by when you're being picked on, these ones stand up for you, make you feel better, even with just a pat on the arm. They are the ones who make you wish you could either adopt them or be adopted by them, so you spend all your time around them. They make you want to be a better person. More than that, they make you feel like you ARE a better person.

These sort of people are awesome in the some way that lime cordial makes your day better. In the same way that watching the sun rise on your own makes you feel like the world is at your feet. Sitting in your room at home, listening to the sounds of the rest of the house and world, it gives you a quiet sense of inner peace, and being around these awesome people is the same.

If awful things, meeting awful people included, are meant to happen, they will happen regardless of whether you laugh or cry. So you may as well make life a bit easier for yourself and laugh. That's why I laugh hysterically when I'm nervous (coping mechanism). If I'm going to fail an exam, at least I don't feel as terrible as I otherwise might.

And another thing - everything comes to pass. A bad situation will end, given time, and so will a good one. Life keeps moving.