I'm not implying that I'm perfect. In fact, I am boldly stating that I am, and I know you agree.

I come across as a little stupid, I think.

People are happy to copy my work, have me feed them all of the answers, sit with them for ages explaining things they don't understand, but heaven forbid I do well, much more score a single mark higher than them. People can be very petty, when it comes to things like that. They forget I was the one taking notes all semester, asking questions, and so on.

'Hi, I'm X and I'm a people-person, and therefore completely tactless, because that's what a people-person is like. I miss all the obvious and subtle hints, because I'm very perceptive and super-intelligent, qualities which have obviously been enhanced by my experiences. Clearly, I am a truly wonderful person.'

'Hi, I'm Y and I'm really smart but also really humble. You will not meet a more self-absorbed person than myself, and that's okay because I am so very humble. I like to go around picking on people whom I believe to be all 'me me me', because that sort of behaviour is unacceptable.'

'Hi, I'm Z and I'm the funniest and most interesting person on the planet. Every word out of my mouth will leave you in awe. Every letter I enunciate will have you in stitches, because I'm that hilarious. I know you're interested in each of my pathetic attempts to hold on to your attention, so I'll give you a detail of exactly how I was sleeping and the position of my head relative to my left thumb, when I woke up suddenly this morning to the sound of my alarm. It was so interesting and funny.'

Shut up.