K is for Clever

I've had my furry little monster for so long I feel like it's exclusively mine, and anyone else who claims to have it pretentious and a fraud. Maybe because I struggled with it on my own, and they announce it publicly like it's the most incredible and devastating thing ever, that they have just a mild version of it. Maybe I don't want to be associated with these attention-seeking people. Maybe I don't want to share my ogre with anyone who I feel doesn't 'deserve' to be 'different'. That last one sounds odd. I mean I think it makes me feel a little special sometimes and I don't want to share this exclusive club with anyone else.

Also, what is with people who think it is impossible for anyone but them to come with a good idea or have a profound thought? Like they are the only ones permitted such achievements, and their ones are the only right ones?! Yes, I realised a truth about the world, fine you don't agree with it because it doesn't cast you in a pretty light/makes you realise you're a fraud and/or attention seeker/you're annoyed because you didn't come up with it first. GET OVER IT. And keep your rubbish to yourself, because I will not be you lapdog, and I will not put up with your rubbish.

And even more than that, people who say they're not into labels but then it's okay for them dish it out. And when they're like, 'Oh, I never judge, I'm not into judging or making judgments, but I'm right when I say this is wrong because I don't do it, that is wrong because I want to do it but can't, she's a something, he's a something else, I'll just classify all those people as that and boo-hoo I'm so misunderstood but note that I'm still right and judgement-free.'

And you know those people who tell you not to conform and to be original but the only way to do this is by doing everything they say, exactly the way they want? They really annoy me. It's okay for them to conform, because 'It's so hard, and not everyone can be as solid as you, you just don't know what it's like', which is code for 'I'm special, this makes me feel special, and you know what would make me feel even more special? If I tell you to make me feel special by trying to get you to worship me the way every one of those people who "peer pressure" me into conforming and doing all of those things do, but don't you dare try to get me do things your way, that is only for me to do to you'.

People. There are times when, I don't know, I wish I could get away from them all, move to the other end of the world and start afresh. But life doesn't work like that, I know.

Peace and love,

S.