Sometimes, you have to recognise that you're human, and just let yourself feel whatever you're supposed to be feeling. There are times when all of the emotions you have been pushing aside just come flooding back.
But in the interest of happiness and not sounding like the whinge that I seem to have become, I will share the positives with you.
Well, I say positive, I actually mean hilariously awkward.
Yesterday, there was a seminar for PhD and Honours students, regarding data presentation. The lecturer was pretty funny, and involved the audience in everything. He picked people out to answer questions based on what their appearance, eg. guy with the red hair, girl in the blue top, etc. He went all along our row, and stopped at the girl next to me. I knew something was going to come up (I wear the hijab). Sure enough, 10 minutes later he came out with "Girl in the hood". LMAO!! I couldn't stop laughing! The girls I was with were trying not to laugh, and the rest of lecture theatre were dead silent. It was ridiculously hilarious.
Today while trying to round a corner in the lab, I bumped into the emergency eye-wash basin and suddenly there was water everywhere. I don't think anyone else has managed to do this yet.
There's a church group singing and giving out free popcorn at uni this week. Yesterday I went by with a friend for some popcorn, and this lady tried to convert me in a really subtle way. She kept offering me a bible in English and Dari. Today I went by for more popcorn, with another friend, and the same lady slipped me a CD about something or the other.
I do not like being preached to, especially by someone who doesn't seem to know enough about the religion - point in question: Protestants can divorce, but Catholics can't. Instead of saying that the bible says you can't get divorced, but that Henry VIII broke away from the Church and changed some rules, she just went on about adultery. In all my experience, my practising Christian friends are some of the nicest people I've ever met, and if I had any questions, I would much rather ask them. They have never pushed their views onto me. Why can't everyone just practise their own religion in peace, without having other people bother them? In this case, I was prepared to let her talk at me, because her group was providing me with delicious free popcorn. But on the whole, I'd rather not have ideas forced onto me.
I had 2-minute noodles for lunch today. As I tried to take my (super-hot) bowl out of the microwave using a tea-towel and both hands, it slipped out of my grip and emptied itself out all over the kitchenette floor. Not only is my left pinky burned and stinging, but I had an audience. A friend said it must be Jesus trying to give us a sign. I'm sceptical.
Okay, so I'm not really feeling any less emotionally vulnerable, but I think I have been successfully distracted from the other problem that was plaguing me. Namely, that every time I tell myself that the other guy in the lab isn't so bad, he goes and does something worse. I have learnt, this year, that I'm proficient in dealing with people like him. But my thesis is due in less than 4 weeks, and I'm still collecting data, and I don't know what to do next, and I'm super-stressed. I do not want to see him or to hear his voice or ANYTHING.
Let's end on a positive note - tomorrow I have another session on the 'scope at Peter Mac. This time I won't forget anything or be late, insha'Allah. And then I will have something awesome for lunch. And then I will go home to sleep. It will be awesome. I hope you have an awesome day, too.
Peace and love,
S.
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