I blog because I need an outlet, a distraction, something to break up the monotony of life and to serve as a reminder of who I was and what I was doing at a certain point in time.
I don't often have anything worthy of saying. I have realised that I tend to blog more when I am in a heightened state of emotions, mainly angry or stressed or sad. I guess I don't have much to say when I'm happy because how many times can you write 'I'm happy' before someone shoots you for being so peppy? I don't really know why I feel this peace and oneness and joy sometimes. I don't know what brings it on or how to make it stay, except that it is usually when I realise and remember how awesome God is, and that patience is peace and there are reasons and He has plans that are beyond my immediate comprehension. And it has always worked out. Every time I have found myself in a bad situation, and turned to God for peace, the situation has passed and been replaced by a lesson learned and new opportunity for growth and happiness.
Sometimes I feel old and weary to my bones. I feel my insides ossifying, and my skeleton crystalising and and stiffening every joint. My heart feels heavy with the weight of unrealised dreams. But then I catch myself. What am I doing, perpetuating my own misery? What am I sad about? What is wrong in my life, what would I exchange for something different? And in trying to see reality, a strange happiness takes me. And then I feel like my insides are made of glitter and my heart is a pounding boombox beating out the rhythm of happiness. And then I catch myself again. Why am I so happy? And so on and on.
Anyway. I have two essays to write by Wednesday.
Peace and love,
S.
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