There are times when you know something but have trouble understanding or feeling whatever it is that you know. For example, I know that in the overall scheme of things I am exactly where I want to be and I'm very happy - but I have trouble feeling this happiness on a regular basis.
Another example is that I know you are never too old to live or too young to die. So why am I not doing more with my life? Why am I not spending every spare moment doing things I love?
I'll tell you why. It's because I'm darn TIRED. Eleven hours imaging on the microscope - not the most taxing of tasks, but still draining. Even the next day. I had a meeting with my supervisor and I'd forgotten to bring in any of my data and couldn't process any of his questions. He did not seem impressed. But he was still really nice about it. Patience of a saint, that man.
The sun is shining today. It feels like a lazy day. Slightly worried about the cell counts - haven't practised anywhere near as much as they expected. Awkward. But the bright sunshine makes it okay.
But I have a plan. Actually I have several plans, but each of them starts the same way: get through this year the way I got through year 12, and then do whatever comes my way. Of my list of plans, the first is impossible (med), the second and third highly unlikely (PhD or RA), the fourth may work (Arts degree) and the fifth is the most likely (stay home and cry).
So there we have it. A plan.
Peace and love,
S.
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