Sometimes I seek anonymity. At the same time, I don't value passiveness. I don't agree with everyone around me, but I don't want to stand out. I love walking around in crowded shopping centres where people won't stare at me because I'm Muslim.
As much as I like my own name, I wish I had a more ordinary name, so I could blend in, be an unknown, with no unwanted attention. The thought of my name coming up and EVERYONE knowing straight away that it's me - regardless of the situation - bothers me. Back in my youth I used to regularly visit Harry Potter forums online, and my user name was my first name. When you google my name, all of those posts come up. I don't have a problem with anything I've written, but I don't want it to be so easy to stalk me or to know me.
I guess I like to think I'm complicated and people don't understand - well, everyone feels like that. Everyone wants to feel special and important. But I don't want to stand out so much. The pressure of always having to be the person everyone thinks you are, the way people think everything you think and do is a reflection of the religious/cultural group to which you belong...It gets too much. I feel like a politician trying really hard to get peoples' votes. Kind of reminds me of Tony Blair/Tony Abbott, with the whole trying so hard to seem perfect but clearly not. Why can't I be a grump not have to worry about the whole Muslim population being judged by my demeanor?
This took a very depressing turn. Soz. One last thing. Petty, immature passiveness is incredibly funny. The incident to which I referred in the last post hasn't blown over, not by a mile. The silent treatment, blocked on facebook, going around trying to recruit the other girls instead of taking responsibility and talking about it like an adult - it's all really hilarious :D. I thought I was passive-aggressive, but have now realised I am fully capable of expressing myself. Thank GOD.
Peace and love.
S.
I like how you go the colour back!
ReplyDeleteAnd I really like the fishies at the side of the page.. feeding them is less smelly and so much more fun than feeding our lazy fish.
That is all.
Don't know who you are but I'm glad you like it! Feeding the fishies is therapeutic, I find :)
ReplyDeleteThis is true what you say. I have also felt this on many occasions. It's too much pressure. It's like, if you stuff up then people judge their opinion of your faith entirely on you. If that makes any sense. You said it better. What I'm trying to say is that I'm right there with. Different faith/views, but same problem.
ReplyDeleteFrom a fellow Actin Hero (the shorter blonder one)...