There are some lessons one learns the hard way. It would appear that all of the lessons I have learned have been the hard way. A selection of what I have learned is as follows:
#1 - You need enough sleep throughout your adolescent years to be able to grow. I used to stay up most of the night reading, the school, then reading again. As a result, I am now just over 5'1".
#2 - Not all people are as nice as they think or would like you to think. I often find myself too eager to please and think well of people, and after persevering with the friendship for up to as much as a year, I realise that they are awful. These people are essentially deluded.
#3 - People who describe themselves as honest are really just full of it. They just want attention and an excuse for their awfulness.
#4 - It is wrong to thing that if you want something for long enough or to a sufficient degree, you will get it. I have wanted to sprout a few inches for quite a long while, now. I am sceptical of any pending results. The same would apply to any delusions I may once have held regarding my career, acquiring a flawless Scottish accent, being able to sing, and being able to wish the ground into swallowing me whole.
#5 - The phrases 'birds of a feather flock together' and 'opposites attract' are not complementary. This is not necessarily a lesson to be learned, but it is an interesting observation. Are we friends because we're both awesome, or because I'm awesome and you're awful? Why would I want to be friends with an awful person? I'm awesome, so I can't be the awful one in the relationship. See what I mean?
#6 - An 'energizing breakfast' does not consist of cake and ice cream. While this will cause you to fizz for some time, you will only end up feeling ill for the next three days.
#7 - People will often tell you to call on them should you need any help, but rarely mean this. Phrases such as 'I'm happy to answer any questions you may have', 'If you have any questions, just ask' and 'If you need help I'll be just over here/there' are the most common forms of this lie. They would like you to think that they are generous and understanding. But they are not. Of course, there are the rare occasions on which they genuinely don't have the time/capacity to help, but for the purposes of this rant we will ignore such situations.
#8 - Instructions on the packet of cake mix always give the wrong approximation for time in the oven. Similarly, recipes will always underestimate the preparation time. Don't be fooled by words such as 'easy', 'simple' and 'basic' in recipe titles.
#9 - There is every chance in the universe that boredom will kill you. People often tell you to suck it up and get on with life, and that it won't kill you. They are wrong. I myself have come very close to dying of boredom on several occasions, both throughout my childhood and as an adult.
#10 - The saying 'aim for the sky, if you fail you'll at least find yourself surrounded by stars' is based on the false premise that a living being will firstly, be able to, and secondly, want to, be surrounded by stars. Stars are hot. And a long, long way away. You would be more likely to die before you were in the vicinity of a star, due to either the time it would take to get there or due to the intense heat radiating from it. The saying should be amended to 'aim for the sky, and be careful you don't fail because this will result in certain death'.
I hope you can benefit from these humble lessons. It is my great wish to write a book containing everything I know and have learned, but there's just so much of it I'm afraid the reader would be overwhelmed. Also, none of it is useful.
Peace and love,
S.
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