Sometimes I remember random things that make me really, really angry.
One of these things is people who think that their grasp of the English language is better than mine just because English is the first and only language they speak. To these people, I would like to say the following: go back to your precious rock that has sheltered you from the world for so long, because the world needs to be sheltered from you and your moronic-ness.
Morons.
Another thing that angers me is insipid stupidity. There's not-knowing - which is fine, there are always going to be things that you don't know and that you might struggle to understand, like the exact definition of 'worldly' and why we say 'he SAYS' but 'they SAY' (the pluralisation of the word 'say' in the context of a single subject).
But then there is stupidity. If you have been significantly horrible on a number of occasions, as well as generally not nice on a daily basis, why would anyone want to be friends with you, least of all the person you have been so horrible to? Or if you are going to be sensitive about people pointing out that you sound harsh, why would you continue to list all these policies that you approve of when all of these policies were first introduced by Nazis?! Do you really not hear what you're saying? How can you go on about 'cleaning out the gene pool' and locking up people with mental illnesses, not to mention the constant xenophobia and blatant racism, and then get angry with someone tells you that maybe you're being a bit harsh?
Seriously.
OMG - the thing that makes me SUPER ANGRY - when people I don't like are in my personal space and they go as far as to touch me - I could SCREAM. I really, really don't like these people, and I don't want them anywhere near me, pretending to be all lovely and friendly, and when they take that extra step and touch my arm or something - pretty sure I wouldn't have a problem with killing them.
Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm so angry or upset and all of these intrusive thoughts keep piling on, and each new memory triggers recall of a whole other set of horrible memories. Swallowing your anger can be rewarding, of course, but sometimes it all rushes back, ten-fold stronger. The same goes for sucking it up and getting on with life when sad or upsetting things happen. My thesis went in on time - it wasn't good (at all) but it was done - I should be really happy right now, or at least not as stressed. But instead, I just alternate between wanting to knock down a wall with angry yelling and hysterical crying, like I've just lost my best friend. Well, in a way, I have lost my friend - I've lost a year of my life to misery and boredom. I should have let myself breakdown when I felt it coming on. Bottling up this sort of thing is not good. At least I'd have been able to get a doctor's certificate for an extension, cried myself out, slept for a couple of days, and then completed my thesis to perfection. But that would involve luck and me not being so in control of how I express things.
Ah well.
Peace and love,
S.
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