Self-preservation.

Sometimes, you have to stop trying to find the good in someone and just accept that they are an awful person through and through. In the unlikely event that there is any morsel of good in them, it will not be enough to compensate for their awfulness.


Really, the thing you have to know in life is that most people are pretty cr*p. Not being evil is not the same as being good. People are passive, inconsiderate, and I understand that the self comes first, but how much does it cost to be polite? Common courtesies are not hard to express.


And I understand that not everyone is here to be my friend, but why can't people just do their job? If you can't do your job, just say so instead of pretending that you have done it and messing everything up. You find out a lot about people when you're lower down in the food chain. 


So, the key to getting through it is to be as polite as possible to these horrible people, because nothing will annoy them more, and laugh at everything because that will also annoy them while also making you feel happy. 


I cannot believe I have lasted the whole year here. It is always this pattern with me - put up with things and keep letting things pass and then a year later wonder why on earth I can't wait to get away. 


I have realised that I, too, have been passive in this regard. There's patience - and then there's putting up with things because you don't want to cause a stir. And I've progressed to the latter. Sometimes you have to cause a stir. No one in life (excepting the few awesome heroes) will put you first, or even second or third. Altruism on your behalf is detrimental if you, as the source of the altruism, are being destroyed. How can you continue to give and spread goodness, if your soul has been destroyed and you see the world with a bitter eye?


With just over 24 hours till my thesis is due, I am feeling more than a little emotionally vulnerable. Lack of sleep over several months will do that to a girl. But no matter. Freedom beckons, and it's just on the other side of tomorrow. I know my thesis is pretty awful, but at least it is mostly done. And I know the year has been boring and miserable, but it'll be done soon, too. Writing up my acknowledgements the other day was pretty awkward. I guess sometimes you have to lie.


Anyway. I should have done things differently, they should have done things differently - it makes so difference now, except that at least I know better now.

Peace and love,

S.