K is for Clever

I've had my furry little monster for so long I feel like it's exclusively mine, and anyone else who claims to have it pretentious and a fraud. Maybe because I struggled with it on my own, and they announce it publicly like it's the most incredible and devastating thing ever, that they have just a mild version of it. Maybe I don't want to be associated with these attention-seeking people. Maybe I don't want to share my ogre with anyone who I feel doesn't 'deserve' to be 'different'. That last one sounds odd. I mean I think it makes me feel a little special sometimes and I don't want to share this exclusive club with anyone else.

Also, what is with people who think it is impossible for anyone but them to come with a good idea or have a profound thought? Like they are the only ones permitted such achievements, and their ones are the only right ones?! Yes, I realised a truth about the world, fine you don't agree with it because it doesn't cast you in a pretty light/makes you realise you're a fraud and/or attention seeker/you're annoyed because you didn't come up with it first. GET OVER IT. And keep your rubbish to yourself, because I will not be you lapdog, and I will not put up with your rubbish.

And even more than that, people who say they're not into labels but then it's okay for them dish it out. And when they're like, 'Oh, I never judge, I'm not into judging or making judgments, but I'm right when I say this is wrong because I don't do it, that is wrong because I want to do it but can't, she's a something, he's a something else, I'll just classify all those people as that and boo-hoo I'm so misunderstood but note that I'm still right and judgement-free.'

And you know those people who tell you not to conform and to be original but the only way to do this is by doing everything they say, exactly the way they want? They really annoy me. It's okay for them to conform, because 'It's so hard, and not everyone can be as solid as you, you just don't know what it's like', which is code for 'I'm special, this makes me feel special, and you know what would make me feel even more special? If I tell you to make me feel special by trying to get you to worship me the way every one of those people who "peer pressure" me into conforming and doing all of those things do, but don't you dare try to get me do things your way, that is only for me to do to you'.

People. There are times when, I don't know, I wish I could get away from them all, move to the other end of the world and start afresh. But life doesn't work like that, I know.

Peace and love,

S.

Aspirations.

I would like to write a poem,

On all things great.

I would like to write an ode,

To the intricacies of fate.

Alas, I am no poet,

No great composer,

And though I dream all day

I know it's already over.

S.

I'm not eccentric...

...I'm just very bad at hiding all the weird things about me.

Okay, so I may be a little different, but that's because I realise that I try to please people and that I'm cowardly when it comes to expressing opinions that don't coincide with others, so I try to change that at every opportunity that I get.

That didn't make a lot of sense. What I mean is I have a people-pleasing complex, and I'm always seeking the approval of others. So when I realise that I have a chance to not do this, I take it.

Okay, that wasn't worded any better. Soz.

My third year of uni is over, and I still don't know what to do next. Sure, I have the grand dreams, but I don't know what the next step is in getting there. I'm thinking if I don't get into Honours (which is likely), I'd like to do an Arts degree, or Business/Commerce and Arts. The most successful people in the world tend to be ones who haven't finished uni, or even high school, but are successful because they have a brain for business and how the world works.

One of the reasons why I love science is because it tries to do what we all are trying to do with life - it tries to make sense of the seemingly chaotic universe, by figuring out pathways, giving things names, organising things into phyla and tables. And I think business does this, too. Well, okay actually everything you study is trying to organise things into a way that'll make it easier to understand, but science and business seem to extend to real life a bit more easily.

We'll see how it goes, in good time, I suppose. It's not easy waiting, though, is it?

Peace and love,

S.

More awesome stuff. It's so beautiful.

I can't sleep. So listen to this. It's pretty awesome.

I'm not sick...

...I am defective.

I can't control my own thoughts. My face isn't perfectly symmetrical. I'm under the average height for girls. Some times I have weird thoughts. I have trouble sleeping sometimes despite being tired and sleep-deprived. I feel the need to take naps because everything tires me out. I can't handle caffeine all that well. I'd be a rubbish hunter as I don't do stealth all that well. I would get bored with just gathering. On the plus side this would mean I would be leaning towards the lean side. I am a really weird mix of outgoing and introverted, making me unstable, I believe.