Sometimes I like to sit alone in between a desk and the wall or a corner of the cupboard, because it feels like being hugged. Except you don't have to worry about the wall misunderstanding why you're upset. Besides, sometimes you just want a hug. Hence the need for SOFT, BOUNCY CUSHIONY WALLS! How awesome would that be?!
Which reminds me of another wonderful invention of mine - a range of nappies with the words 'Sh*t happens' across the back!! Gettit, gettit, get it???!!!! =D
Peace and love,
S.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Ode to Citalopram
Citalopram,
Conjugated with hydrobromide,
Or with oxalate,
You still calm
My spastic heart rate.
Citalopram,
You wake me gratefully
At the crack of dawn,
And for the lack of sleep
I mourn.
Citalopram,
Without you,
My cardiac rhythm
Does funny things,
Like excited light beams
Through a prism.
Citalopram,
Though I complain
About your flaws,
You are still my
Daily enabling clause.
Citalopram,
Provider of stimulation,
You get me out of bed,
And when I'd like to mope
I feel fairly content instead.
S.
Conjugated with hydrobromide,
Or with oxalate,
You still calm
My spastic heart rate.
Citalopram,
You wake me gratefully
At the crack of dawn,
And for the lack of sleep
I mourn.
Citalopram,
Without you,
My cardiac rhythm
Does funny things,
Like excited light beams
Through a prism.
Citalopram,
Though I complain
About your flaws,
You are still my
Daily enabling clause.
Citalopram,
Provider of stimulation,
You get me out of bed,
And when I'd like to mope
I feel fairly content instead.
S.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A(nother) theory.
The trick to life is never to base your happiness on anyone or anything else, outside of yourself.
People, no matter how well-meaning, will eventually, and inevitably, let you down. Your career and material possessions can disappear in a day. But your ability to find something positive in any situation? It'll always be around (though, of course, sometimes it is impossible to do - but this is not as paradoxical as it may seem).
The problem with people is that they are never as consistent as you would like them to be. They say one thing, and then do another. For example, 'Oh yeah I don't like so-and-so, I can't stand being around them' and then the next day, 'Yeah, so I went to so-and-so's party, it was so much fun, they are so awesome'.
It leaves you feeling a little stranded and a lot lost.
As much as you'd like to think that you've put in all the work and that it must all pay off, your studies/career are not guaranteed to work out. Maybe you'll be in a grumpy mood on the morning of your exam. Maybe the place you're working at can't afford to keep you on, or they'll find someone better than you. There's always someone better. It's really annoying.
At the end of the day, all you really have is yourself and what's inside you. It's what attracts your friends to you, and it's what gets you out of bed every morning. It's what gets you through the terribly stressful times when you just want to walk out onto oncoming traffic. No matter how many times someone else tries to tell you that it's going to be okay, or that it's going to work out, you will only feel better when you yourself believe it and tell yourself.
Not that I have anything against unreliable people in general. I just don't really like it when our paths cross and I end up relying on them. Sort of the same with studying and careers - I know they're bound to have some hiccups, but why can't I seem to able to get rid of them? Like, EVER?
Which brings me back to my main point. Despite the people and the hiccups, I think I'm quite content with life. In a sort-of way. I don't like waiting, which is what it seems I am doing, again, but still. The annoying people make for good light entertainment (in general - you have to realise that you are separate from them and that your happiness doesn't rely on other people to be able to fully enjoy the hilarity of what they say/do). I think I'm bored.
Oh. Dear. God. Not again.
That is not to say that people can't be awesome - they can be, and many are. And life DOES work out. But sometimes, you need to stop denying yourself and give into the wallowing in self-pity. Whingeing can be very good for the morale.
Peace and love,
S.
People, no matter how well-meaning, will eventually, and inevitably, let you down. Your career and material possessions can disappear in a day. But your ability to find something positive in any situation? It'll always be around (though, of course, sometimes it is impossible to do - but this is not as paradoxical as it may seem).
The problem with people is that they are never as consistent as you would like them to be. They say one thing, and then do another. For example, 'Oh yeah I don't like so-and-so, I can't stand being around them' and then the next day, 'Yeah, so I went to so-and-so's party, it was so much fun, they are so awesome'.
It leaves you feeling a little stranded and a lot lost.
As much as you'd like to think that you've put in all the work and that it must all pay off, your studies/career are not guaranteed to work out. Maybe you'll be in a grumpy mood on the morning of your exam. Maybe the place you're working at can't afford to keep you on, or they'll find someone better than you. There's always someone better. It's really annoying.
At the end of the day, all you really have is yourself and what's inside you. It's what attracts your friends to you, and it's what gets you out of bed every morning. It's what gets you through the terribly stressful times when you just want to walk out onto oncoming traffic. No matter how many times someone else tries to tell you that it's going to be okay, or that it's going to work out, you will only feel better when you yourself believe it and tell yourself.
Not that I have anything against unreliable people in general. I just don't really like it when our paths cross and I end up relying on them. Sort of the same with studying and careers - I know they're bound to have some hiccups, but why can't I seem to able to get rid of them? Like, EVER?
Which brings me back to my main point. Despite the people and the hiccups, I think I'm quite content with life. In a sort-of way. I don't like waiting, which is what it seems I am doing, again, but still. The annoying people make for good light entertainment (in general - you have to realise that you are separate from them and that your happiness doesn't rely on other people to be able to fully enjoy the hilarity of what they say/do). I think I'm bored.
Oh. Dear. God. Not again.
That is not to say that people can't be awesome - they can be, and many are. And life DOES work out. But sometimes, you need to stop denying yourself and give into the wallowing in self-pity. Whingeing can be very good for the morale.
Peace and love,
S.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Here it is.
Here's a pebble
On the beach,
Here's a dream
Just out of reach.
Here's a ladder
Against a wall,
Here's a hand
For you to hold.
Here's a way
A path to take,
Here's the courage
To fix the mistake.
Here's a rhyme
To get you through,
Here's a pebble
To remind you,
Rocks and mountains
Mountains and sand,
You hold the beginning and the end
In your hand.
S.
On the beach,
Here's a dream
Just out of reach.
Here's a ladder
Against a wall,
Here's a hand
For you to hold.
Here's a way
A path to take,
Here's the courage
To fix the mistake.
Here's a rhyme
To get you through,
Here's a pebble
To remind you,
Rocks and mountains
Mountains and sand,
You hold the beginning and the end
In your hand.
S.
The floodgates have opened.
I just had my first little cry of the year in the ladies' room. No, don't feel sorry for me, I really needed it.
The day started with me forgetting my laptop cord and having to run home after the lab meeting to get it. The meeting itself was okay, with a 20-something year old PhD student producing a hanky (I didn't think people under 40 used them), and the supervisor giving us an impromptu impression of the Scarlett Pimpernel. The supervisor also pointed out that the importance of age just isn't coming through in my lit review - I spent all weekend and Monday working on fixing this up, but obviously to no avail.
And that awful person made some awful comments, which usually just makes me laugh, but today is not a good day. I can't deal with bullying when I'm already stressed out.
Thus, I have compiled a guide on crying in an inconspicuous manner in public/around people. It is as follows:
1. Don't sob or scrunch up your face. It will cause said face to go red and puffy, which will in turn alert those around you to your predicament (if the noise hasn't already).
2. Just let the tears flow, don't keep wiping your eyes - just dab lightly when you've run out of liquids to leak. Again, this avoids redness and wasting time waiting for it to settle down.
3. Cold water will do wonders both for your feelings and your face.
4. When you are ready to emerge from the ladies' room, pretend to be blowing your nose, and if anyone asks, it's hay-fever - this will account for both red, runny eyes, a red nose, and general grumpiness/sad-looking face.
5. Following the incident, smile and laugh as much as possible, to avoid suspicion. Practise smiling in the ladies' room beforehand to get your face used to the motions.
Hope it helps! And know that at least I will always love you.
Peace and love,
S.
The day started with me forgetting my laptop cord and having to run home after the lab meeting to get it. The meeting itself was okay, with a 20-something year old PhD student producing a hanky (I didn't think people under 40 used them), and the supervisor giving us an impromptu impression of the Scarlett Pimpernel. The supervisor also pointed out that the importance of age just isn't coming through in my lit review - I spent all weekend and Monday working on fixing this up, but obviously to no avail.
And that awful person made some awful comments, which usually just makes me laugh, but today is not a good day. I can't deal with bullying when I'm already stressed out.
Thus, I have compiled a guide on crying in an inconspicuous manner in public/around people. It is as follows:
1. Don't sob or scrunch up your face. It will cause said face to go red and puffy, which will in turn alert those around you to your predicament (if the noise hasn't already).
2. Just let the tears flow, don't keep wiping your eyes - just dab lightly when you've run out of liquids to leak. Again, this avoids redness and wasting time waiting for it to settle down.
3. Cold water will do wonders both for your feelings and your face.
4. When you are ready to emerge from the ladies' room, pretend to be blowing your nose, and if anyone asks, it's hay-fever - this will account for both red, runny eyes, a red nose, and general grumpiness/sad-looking face.
5. Following the incident, smile and laugh as much as possible, to avoid suspicion. Practise smiling in the ladies' room beforehand to get your face used to the motions.
Hope it helps! And know that at least I will always love you.
Peace and love,
S.
Monday, April 11, 2011
That dripping, bittersweet sadness.
There are times in your life when you feel sad. I have recently come to find that positive thinking does help with this. As does thinking about God. It's weird, I didn't think it would, but it gives you an uplifting feeling, when you think about how awesome you want to be and all the beauty in the world, and this calm, serene feeling descends over you. You realise that there is a bigger picture than just what you're worrying about now. Knowing that it's just another test or life experience makes it almost enjoyable, so you don't take things to heart too much.
I used to be incredibly happy sometimes, and wonder why it was that I felt so happy, and try to think of reasons as to why I shouldn't be so happy. I thought I was being realistic, but obviously I was just being depressing. Why not just embrace all of the joy and happiness you feel, for any/lack of any reason? That's not to say we can't just be sad, if that's what we feel like being. But why not be happy on as many occasions as possible?
The other day I was sitting out on the balcony with a two of the other Honour's girls. The third person, to whom I have referred in a couple of previous posts (the fascist) also joined us, but ignored me. We were talking about my hair (I wear a hijab, so they were curious) and said fascist piped up with a comment about the burqa and how scary it is, followed by a comment on how a couple of people have tried to commit robberies in them. The other girls had no idea how to respond, I just felt like laughing. This person is so incredibly rude, not to mention stupid.
I'm pretty sure more people have committed crimes with their faces obscured by stockings or hoodies or balaclavas or sunglasses. Are these all symbols of scariness as well? I don't look at a pair of women's tights and think 'Oh, no, crimes have been committed in these they should all be banned, and anyone wearing anything remotely resembling tights or stockings must be attacked'. Seriously, some people are SO stupid.
We have decided that this person is going to provide solid entertainment throughout what would otherwise be a fairly stressful year. The other day there was a death at a railway crossing, and said person said "Oh, no, what an idiot, they've messed up all traffic!"
WHAT. ON. EARTH.
The subsequent attempts to justify this by saying that "It would be understandable if it was at a small countryside crossing with no boom-gates, etc" did nothing but make us laugh even further. You can only laugh in the face of such cold-hearted callousness. I am very pleased with myself, for not having said anything to this person on this occasion, although it would have been a great point to solidify this person's Nazi-like qualities.
Still, the world is full of wonderful people and things. Like Betty Crocker ready-to-spread frosting. Yum. Also, I'd like to host 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks'. Noel Fielding is such an interesting character.
Peace and love,
S.
I used to be incredibly happy sometimes, and wonder why it was that I felt so happy, and try to think of reasons as to why I shouldn't be so happy. I thought I was being realistic, but obviously I was just being depressing. Why not just embrace all of the joy and happiness you feel, for any/lack of any reason? That's not to say we can't just be sad, if that's what we feel like being. But why not be happy on as many occasions as possible?
The other day I was sitting out on the balcony with a two of the other Honour's girls. The third person, to whom I have referred in a couple of previous posts (the fascist) also joined us, but ignored me. We were talking about my hair (I wear a hijab, so they were curious) and said fascist piped up with a comment about the burqa and how scary it is, followed by a comment on how a couple of people have tried to commit robberies in them. The other girls had no idea how to respond, I just felt like laughing. This person is so incredibly rude, not to mention stupid.
I'm pretty sure more people have committed crimes with their faces obscured by stockings or hoodies or balaclavas or sunglasses. Are these all symbols of scariness as well? I don't look at a pair of women's tights and think 'Oh, no, crimes have been committed in these they should all be banned, and anyone wearing anything remotely resembling tights or stockings must be attacked'. Seriously, some people are SO stupid.
We have decided that this person is going to provide solid entertainment throughout what would otherwise be a fairly stressful year. The other day there was a death at a railway crossing, and said person said "Oh, no, what an idiot, they've messed up all traffic!"
WHAT. ON. EARTH.
The subsequent attempts to justify this by saying that "It would be understandable if it was at a small countryside crossing with no boom-gates, etc" did nothing but make us laugh even further. You can only laugh in the face of such cold-hearted callousness. I am very pleased with myself, for not having said anything to this person on this occasion, although it would have been a great point to solidify this person's Nazi-like qualities.
Still, the world is full of wonderful people and things. Like Betty Crocker ready-to-spread frosting. Yum. Also, I'd like to host 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks'. Noel Fielding is such an interesting character.
Peace and love,
S.
Friday, April 8, 2011
A Never Naught Song - By Robert Frost
There was never naught,
There was always thought.
But when noticed first
It was fairly burst
Into having weight.
It was in a state
Of atomic One.
Matter was begun -
And in fact complete,
One and yet discree
To conflict and pair.
Everything was there,
Every single thing
Waiting was to bring,
Clear from hydrogen
All the way to men.
It is all the tree
It will ever be,
Bole and Branch and root
Cunningly minute.
And this ist of all
Is so infra-small
As to blind our eyes
To its every guise
And so render nil
The whole Yggdrasill.
Out of coming-in
Into having been!
So the picture’s caught
Almost next to naught
But the force of thought.
There was always thought.
But when noticed first
It was fairly burst
Into having weight.
It was in a state
Of atomic One.
Matter was begun -
And in fact complete,
One and yet discree
To conflict and pair.
Everything was there,
Every single thing
Waiting was to bring,
Clear from hydrogen
All the way to men.
It is all the tree
It will ever be,
Bole and Branch and root
Cunningly minute.
And this ist of all
Is so infra-small
As to blind our eyes
To its every guise
And so render nil
The whole Yggdrasill.
Out of coming-in
Into having been!
So the picture’s caught
Almost next to naught
But the force of thought.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BLOG. (Because I'm too cowardly to say it to their face. Plus they'd maul me.)
Sometimes I point out the flaws in our society, and people get really defensive, and I know it's because I'm Muslim and they think I'm attacking them, when in fact I'm just stating a truth.
For example, Australia is full of wonderful people and places, and I really do believe that multiculturalism works for the most part. But the parts that don't - people just like to ignore those bits, and get really defensive when you say "Well actually, there is still racism in the streets". Like they have to rush to make sure you know that that's just from a minority of people, and that you are welcome in this country - and in the process make you feel like an outsider.
Why do people always think I'm stupid enough to judge a whole population based on a few morons? I'm always going on about how Muslims are misjudged in this way, don't you think it would be a little hypocritical for me to do the same to others? I don't need people to tell me that 'most Australians are tolerant and welcoming' - I know they are because believe it or not, I AM ONE OF THEM.
There is no need to try and explain a culture to me when I know it inside out. Don't patronize me with your defensive 'I accept you and so do many others'. I'm not after your acceptance, I'm pointing out the hypocrisy because someone has to. Instead of jumping down my throat, may be you should jump down the throats of the people who come up with the propaganda bullsh*t.
Most of my closest friends are anglos, and Christian/atheists at that. I don't have a problem with them, HENCE WHY I AM FRIENDS WITH THEM. When I point out that Australia is in fact not secular because Christian holidays are the only ones that are national public holidays, I don't need to be told that this is because most people identify themselves as Christian. The point I am clearly making is that we are obviously not as secular as some people like to think.
What is with people who are happy to listen to your views as long as they agree with theirs, but scratch like feral cats if you disagree? "Hi, I'm not racists because I laugh at everyone, but don't you dare laugh at me." A few weeks ago someone said that they wanted their kids to have anglo surnames so that they can have ethnic first names but won't be called un-Australian for it. What on earth??? Since when were anglos the only Australians??? And since when did a name change the way people judge you, once they've made up their mind about you?
Peace and love,
S.
For example, Australia is full of wonderful people and places, and I really do believe that multiculturalism works for the most part. But the parts that don't - people just like to ignore those bits, and get really defensive when you say "Well actually, there is still racism in the streets". Like they have to rush to make sure you know that that's just from a minority of people, and that you are welcome in this country - and in the process make you feel like an outsider.
Why do people always think I'm stupid enough to judge a whole population based on a few morons? I'm always going on about how Muslims are misjudged in this way, don't you think it would be a little hypocritical for me to do the same to others? I don't need people to tell me that 'most Australians are tolerant and welcoming' - I know they are because believe it or not, I AM ONE OF THEM.
There is no need to try and explain a culture to me when I know it inside out. Don't patronize me with your defensive 'I accept you and so do many others'. I'm not after your acceptance, I'm pointing out the hypocrisy because someone has to. Instead of jumping down my throat, may be you should jump down the throats of the people who come up with the propaganda bullsh*t.
Most of my closest friends are anglos, and Christian/atheists at that. I don't have a problem with them, HENCE WHY I AM FRIENDS WITH THEM. When I point out that Australia is in fact not secular because Christian holidays are the only ones that are national public holidays, I don't need to be told that this is because most people identify themselves as Christian. The point I am clearly making is that we are obviously not as secular as some people like to think.
What is with people who are happy to listen to your views as long as they agree with theirs, but scratch like feral cats if you disagree? "Hi, I'm not racists because I laugh at everyone, but don't you dare laugh at me." A few weeks ago someone said that they wanted their kids to have anglo surnames so that they can have ethnic first names but won't be called un-Australian for it. What on earth??? Since when were anglos the only Australians??? And since when did a name change the way people judge you, once they've made up their mind about you?
Peace and love,
S.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Conflict.
Sometimes I seek anonymity. At the same time, I don't value passiveness. I don't agree with everyone around me, but I don't want to stand out. I love walking around in crowded shopping centres where people won't stare at me because I'm Muslim.
As much as I like my own name, I wish I had a more ordinary name, so I could blend in, be an unknown, with no unwanted attention. The thought of my name coming up and EVERYONE knowing straight away that it's me - regardless of the situation - bothers me. Back in my youth I used to regularly visit Harry Potter forums online, and my user name was my first name. When you google my name, all of those posts come up. I don't have a problem with anything I've written, but I don't want it to be so easy to stalk me or to know me.
I guess I like to think I'm complicated and people don't understand - well, everyone feels like that. Everyone wants to feel special and important. But I don't want to stand out so much. The pressure of always having to be the person everyone thinks you are, the way people think everything you think and do is a reflection of the religious/cultural group to which you belong...It gets too much. I feel like a politician trying really hard to get peoples' votes. Kind of reminds me of Tony Blair/Tony Abbott, with the whole trying so hard to seem perfect but clearly not. Why can't I be a grump not have to worry about the whole Muslim population being judged by my demeanor?
This took a very depressing turn. Soz. One last thing. Petty, immature passiveness is incredibly funny. The incident to which I referred in the last post hasn't blown over, not by a mile. The silent treatment, blocked on facebook, going around trying to recruit the other girls instead of taking responsibility and talking about it like an adult - it's all really hilarious :D. I thought I was passive-aggressive, but have now realised I am fully capable of expressing myself. Thank GOD.
Peace and love.
S.
As much as I like my own name, I wish I had a more ordinary name, so I could blend in, be an unknown, with no unwanted attention. The thought of my name coming up and EVERYONE knowing straight away that it's me - regardless of the situation - bothers me. Back in my youth I used to regularly visit Harry Potter forums online, and my user name was my first name. When you google my name, all of those posts come up. I don't have a problem with anything I've written, but I don't want it to be so easy to stalk me or to know me.
I guess I like to think I'm complicated and people don't understand - well, everyone feels like that. Everyone wants to feel special and important. But I don't want to stand out so much. The pressure of always having to be the person everyone thinks you are, the way people think everything you think and do is a reflection of the religious/cultural group to which you belong...It gets too much. I feel like a politician trying really hard to get peoples' votes. Kind of reminds me of Tony Blair/Tony Abbott, with the whole trying so hard to seem perfect but clearly not. Why can't I be a grump not have to worry about the whole Muslim population being judged by my demeanor?
This took a very depressing turn. Soz. One last thing. Petty, immature passiveness is incredibly funny. The incident to which I referred in the last post hasn't blown over, not by a mile. The silent treatment, blocked on facebook, going around trying to recruit the other girls instead of taking responsibility and talking about it like an adult - it's all really hilarious :D. I thought I was passive-aggressive, but have now realised I am fully capable of expressing myself. Thank GOD.
Peace and love.
S.
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