I had this weird moment of realisation last night, on walking into the house.
On my short drive home I was having an imaginary conversation in my head, and I had a sudden flashback to when I was a teenager - I used to think that I was going through phases after all of my friends were done with that phase, like I was somehow lagging behind in emotional and social development.
And last night I was having this imagined conversation where I explain that mental illness stunts your growth, especially in terms of emotional maturity and insight. And this suddenly clicked - I was lagging behind my classmates in the phases teenagers/young people go through because I have had anxiety issues my whole life. My brain was (?is) being occupied by more than what it is normal for others, and my attention is being distorted by a constant and burning sense embarrassment and anxiousness in any and every situation.
It doesn't sound spectacular as I type this and try to think of better words to describe what happened, but suffice it to say that I had an unexpected and intense glimpse of insight into myself. It was one of those rare moments of connection and understanding of how life works, and being okay with it all.
Peace and love,
S.
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